Friday, July 31, 2009

Gain Control Of Your Life By Setting Boundaries

I am one of those people who has trouble saying "no". I also married someone with the same problem! We both drive each other crazy sometimes, because we see the other person get into situations, simply because they didn't want to let someone down. I finally got to a point where I realized I was going to go crazy if I agreed to one more thing I didn't want to do. I had to simplify my life, and if that meant telling everybody "no" for the next year, then that's what I would do. I came across a good book called Boundaries, (When to Say Yes, When To Say No To Take Control Of Your Life) written by Henry Cloud. I realized that people don't mind all that much when I am not able to do something, like I thought they would. A polite "no, I won't be able to this time" can free me up to focus on the things I am already committed to. It allows me to be in control and realize that it is okay. The best part is, I don't have to resent the committments I take on, or feel like anyone is taking advantage of me. It is not selfish or rude to turn people down politely, or not take on extra committments. However, it can be selfish or rude for people to put you on a guilt trip for not being able to take on one more responsibility or new committment. Just remember that you don't have to be a superhero, and that if you do take on more than you can handle, it will only lead to burnout. If you focus on fewer things, you can give yourself more wholly to them, and get a lot more accomplished in the long run.

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